*furrows head

So I ask another question. has the resonance of the *ping subsided yet?

Will it leave me alone, free to move on, or will it sneak up on me three months from now just to spring a guilt trip into my already cluttered head?

It is rather unsettling.

And I absolutely cannot stand another note of Hinder's song glamourizing the unfaithful.

ok so here's my latest report on myself. am feeling thoroughly guilty as usual; and not just because of school. do I always dig my own grave? *scrunches face and thinks

am I in the wrong? I really really don't want to break a third. what kind of person am I?
and next I ask myself- what kind of person will I become?

then (going a little far but still) I attempt to probe and maybe come up with material for college essay... and enquire : who do I want to be?

a rigid multilayered response follows but fails to answer adequately. along the lines of how I want to become a less grumpy sister, a more perceptive listener and reader, a more unique and polished thinker, less envious of the perfect people who are really nice deep down and have nothing against me and I'd rather be anything but a heartbreaker. no college hook. hmm. I want to create the funnest toy or at least contribute to a spark of an idea which may benefit mankind and nanotechnology...

I passed my senior project, so why do I feel like I'm failing school? how can the prospect of an undesirable grade keep me on my toes?

why do I ask more questions than my math packet?

I think I have good values, though I will admit to skewing my actions a little. Fine, I have good solid principles, I just need to follow them. (instead of writing nonsense into my little corner, nearly sub-nano portion of the universe-like expanse of electronic media neatly folded and compacted into the world wide web.)

so here we have the introduction to my latest pride and joy :)

though one should note that in the midst of this crazed, obsessive and melodramatic period, I might either a) utilizing my hastily scribbled will (elaine booked the blue chayo bear) or b) actually, factually trip into my ever so famous state of self-pity and fill my poor posts with unsavory rambling such as now... *tilts head and puts on an amused expression at the contradiction of this entire passage.

ok. so I have not yet finished hamlet and polonius has already had an adverse effect on me *cringes, his proliferate lines in which he so deludedly exclaims "I will be brief" caused my brain synapses to work overtime and yet-- have I fallen to his level? *looks at the statement above with wide eyes...

thank goodness people have trouble understanding me. it allows my head to rest while my silly head spouts nonsense which can offend no listener.
although it rpoves inconvenient when I do try to get a point across- humanity and its weakness for communication.