My previous dark post scares me. I wrote that 3 minutes ago. My imagery was repulsive, my tone disgusted, and I did not sound like myself at all. The effect of stress. weighing my senses down. and the world dissolves into another murky solution. I push the fun out of everything.

its been nearly a month- whoops writing error #1: stating the painfully obvious.
let's start again.

I think I missed a crucial point when I was smaller.
Why else would I still hang the heaviest and rustiest thoughts along my frail line of thinking. They weigh at least four weeks worth of eye bags apiece. They're made of iron (hence susceptible to oxidation) and continue to be a reminder of my waste of resources as well as a mental eyesore. They total to 5 in all.

Last year around this time I forcefully disconnected one of them. I blasted despicable words and unpleasant emotions at high temperatures to dislodge itand finally it came off. I cleaned it off with a few more ounces of tears. Or so I thought. Dissolved, it sneaked its way into this post in ionic form, forming a compound with my thoughts, crushing my resolve with its newfound magnitude, until I caved. I let it pass. Its jagged surface grazed the interior of my heart but I let it pass.

And I am no better off that before but no worse. So I asked myself if being stagnant was better than devolvement? I asked if apathy was more dangerous that obsession. And I asked myself what I was doing.

I think I must have missed a crucial point as a kid. How to let go of my mistakes.

Now I have to learn how. I will. And as soon as I do that, I won't have to write in abstract terms anymore.

Labels: reflect, release, unwind